Assalamualaikum. Hello 🙋!
Yes! It's been a very long time I'm away from this world of blogs. About a year and half ago, I left. Many things happened.
So, that's it. My life as a student has end. And my life as a real PHYSIOTHERAPIST has started since last year. And yeah, I'm still living in Negeri Sembilan coz I'm working in one of the hospital 🏩 in here.
For a starting, this is for now 😘. Later.
First skali, aku bukan mangsa banjir dan TAK PERNAH rasa jd mangsa banjir. Tp benda ni dah jd mcm fenomena biasa kat Malaysia ni. Dan jujur aku kata, perkara yg sama mesti jd tiap2 kali ujian ni melanda. Dan aku dah muak dgn ckp2 org yg pandai ckp ni jd aku buat nukilan aku ni. Ye, aku ade post benda ni dlm FB aku. Baca je lah.
Bila time musibah ni la baru kita kenal pe'el manusia sebenar. Org tu tuduh org ni, org ni tuduh org tu. End up, org yg tersepit di tgh yg jd mangsa. Yg prihatin, dpt la si mangsa merasa tenang sikit dpt bantuan. Macam mana pulak dgn yg pentingkan diri? kekayaan disimpan, harta disorok, maklumlah, takut2 habis nanti. Hilang harta, x hilang maruah.
Bila senang, byk benar watak2 pelakon duniawi menjadi hero sana sini. Bila susah, mana pegi watak2 hero tu?
Aku bukan nak berbicara tentang politik. Bukan juga nak berbicara tentang kesalahan org sbb tiada yg sempurna di dunia ni. Hanya minta kita berfikir. Allah bg kita akal utk berfikir mengapa kita diuji? Bukan bg kita akal utk berfikir bagaimana utk melarikan diri? Atau, bagaimana utk memenangi hati manusia lain dgn apa yg kita bg?
Yg hanya pandai bercakap dan cari salah org, berhentilah. Ni bkn amanah utk yg berkuasa saja. Ni amanah utk SEMUA. X mengapa x mampu hulur harta benda tp x kan lah x mampu hulur doa? X perlukan bayaran. Free of charge. X perlu bot atau heli atau apa2 pun. Direct sampai pada tuhan.
Aku juga insan biasa. Bkn pandai nak berkata2, cuma ingin mengingatkan. Wallahuaklam..
p/s: maaf andai ada yg terasa
GELAP
Kau lihat langit,
Gelap, mendung,
Terdetik di kalbu,
Mengapa?
Mengapa harus gelap?
Dimana cahaya?
Kau lihat rumah itu,
Kosong.
Dulunya, di situ ada cahaya,
Cahaya kegembiraan,
Cahaya kehidupan,
Sekarang yang tinggal hanya gelap ruang yang kosong.
Kau pandang bawah,
Tiada lagi bayang gelap,
Yang dulunya senantiasa bersama kau,
Yang tinggal kini,
Hanya kau seorang.
Dunia kini sudah gelap,
Kelam,
Tiada lagi cahaya menyinari.
Kau lihat dia,
Indah benar dunianya,
Ada cahaya dikelilingnya,
Dan kau lihat diri kau,
Hanya gelap menguasai.
Sesalan kau hanya sia-sia,
Terlambat sudah,
Dunia kau kini,
Selamanya gelap,
Kerna,
Mati itu tiada patah baliknya.
Yup. I'm learning Japanese now. Not in a full time class. But I do learn it through the Internet. Yes. INTERNET. And actually, I find out that it quite interesting. The Japanese characters (or letters) are different from others. It divided into 3 : hiragana (the original), katakana (japanese characters for foreign words like kompyuta - computer) and kanji (chinese letter).
Honestly, for the 1st time I feel difficult to write / say the words but slowly, I can catch it. But still, I'm still doing the writing of those letters so I can get use to it and of course! Writing is just not enough. You really need to memorize ALL the characters because sometimes it a bit confused. There's no use to learn the language if you only depend on the romaji words (roman word).
Anyway, for those who REALLY want to learn this language, find your source. Use the Internet, take the class or anything. Try to find someone that can teach you if you not understand. Depending on the net only is not enough. Me myself also ask my friend who taking japanese class for guide.
P/s: I'm not taking any classes not because I'm greedy but the truth is, money is the issue. Have fun guys!!!
Well, 1st of all, I would like to say congratulations to all my dearest friends from my former class for their achievements and for getting dean award. I'm happy to say that 90% of them were in dean listed. The other 10% were just not lucky but they still a smart and clever person. No doubt in that.
But I'm just disappointed that I'm not one of the dean listed. They changed it. It supposed to be 3.50 above to be in dean list but the college has change it to 3.70. I should get 3.70 above, not 3.50 above. But it is too late. It's over. However, I'm still glad that my parents are proud of me, for my struggled to get a good result.
p/s: don't sad. Maybe I'm not better in getting good pointer but I'm good in other things. Smile dear :)
:: their results ::
Yes, I'm heart broken. Ya, aku patah hati. Kerana selepas 5tahun tunggu dan terus menunggu, akhirnya dia dah selamat menjadi tunang orang. Aku tau, jodoh dia tapi... Hmmm...
Let's the time be my medicine
Yes. Love.
L
O
V
E
What's that? Hmm.. I don't know either. Lately ni ramai pulak yg offer diri nak jadi kekasih hati, kekasih gelap, boyfriend aku bagai. Honestly, aku bukanlah jenis terlalu memilih. Just that, I still have my own criteria. Takkan lah main kutip je sesape kan.
Some who not really knows me will thought that I'm a kind of arrogant one but if they really know me, I'm not that person. Aku ni jenis gila2 tapi sangat caution ngan someone yg aku x berapa kenal.
Back to the topic, actually bukan tak sudi tapi tak ready. Bukan memilih tapi tak ada perasaan. I'm still waiting for someone. Seseorang yang tak pasti.
Maaf. Bukan niat untuk menghampakan. Bukan niat menghancurkan hati.
It is totally messy these days. I've been thinking a lot about my future. For the first time in my life, I've thought about to further my studies. This is kind weird of me. Since high school all in my mind is how I'm gonna live my life, how I'm gonna make my life wonderful, fun and sort of. I did my diploma just because of my parents, and yeah, because I've got a feeling called ENVIOUS. Envy of my friends getting into college and matrix and universities.
I felt like I was left behind. And hate that feeling! I let people around me to control me, choose the path of my life (I know, it's supposed to be me to chose) and I just followed everything to the end.
It's been a month since I finished my studies. A month ago, I thought of changing my career, my pathway. I want to do my own way. I want to choose what I want to be. I want to take over of my life. I want to enjoy my life like it suppose to be.
But suddenly, I felt missing. I miss to study again. I miss to be a student. I miss to be called a student. It just a month and I already miss my student's life. I miss the challenges I had to face everyday just to complete my journey to the end.
I wish to continue to be a student. I wish to further my studies. I've thinking of UKM. I plan to further in there but I'm not sure if I can. 'cause I'd stick to a kind of troublesome contract when I was doing my diploma. Argh! So hard to think!
May Allah makes everything easy for me.
Labels: student, study, thinking
Assalamualaikum
Kpd pembaca blog ini.
Cuma nak bg tau apa yg ditulis dlm blog ni semuanya adalah apa yg aku pendam or apa yg terkandung dlm hati aku. Jd aku x perlukan kritikan sesiapa atau nasihat sesiapa sebab apa yg aku tulis hanyalah untuk meluahkan isi hati dan perasaan aku.
Aku x ade telinga orang lain yg blh dipinjam sebagai pendengar setia aku.
Aku x ade perakam suara yg boleh merekod segala luahan aku
Aku x ade kaunselor peribadi yg boleh menjadi tempat aku mengadu.
Mungkin ada yg berfikir "kenapa x share dgn kwn?"
Kalau kau seorang yg mempunyai ramai kawan dan tiada masalah,
That is simple.
But I'm not that person.
If I'm that person, i don't have to build this blog.
It's useless.
Mungkin ada post aku yg memberi inspirasi dan mungkin ada juga yg memberi perasaan menyampah.
But I don't care as long I can share it in my blog.
Aku x mintak simpati org
Aku x mintak org dgr luahan aku
Aku x mintak org nasihatkan aku
Aku cuma nak puaskan hati aku dgn menulis cerita tentang aku.
Bukan untuk beritahu siapa aku
Tapi aku cuma nak buat sesuatu yg aku suka. Dan bukan kerana org lain.
Sekian
To Dear mom and dad,
Here I'm writing for u.
I know I'm not ur best child and daughter.
I know sometimes u look me as a trouble in the family.
U always said it but u didn't realise
I know in ur mind right now u will think u didn't.
Yes, u always said that I am ungrateful child
U always said that I have big ego
U always said all I know is about myself and doesn't think about others.
U wrong but it doesn't change what u think about me
Even if I say all I do is for u
U will see me as a failure when u always thought I'm a failure
But u will see me as a success when u thought I will be successful.
Dear mom and dad,
I don't mean to hurt ur feelings
I don't mean to be rude
I don't mean to be ungrateful
I don't mean to be bad
All I want is ur bless.
Ur blessing is important to me
Because why?
All I do will become useless without ur bless.
Maybe u didn't realise
That I've done many things for u
U always talk about money 24/7
Yes, I don't give u lots of money likes abang
I don't give money to adik likes ada do
But u guys never realise that I actually have give money
Not to much but I do have give
I always spend my money for my family
I bought tshirt, pants
I treat everyone meals
I've done so many things but u guys never realise it
Instead, u guys still say that I am ungrateful child
But I just keep quiet and listening all of it.
When I'm in trouble, u said it is because of my fault
I did not wish for all what happened to me
It is Allah will
But u still said it's my fault.
U can count how many times I went for holidays, vacation or what-so-ever
When u guys went for vacation, were I went too??
No!
When u guys have so much fun time together, am I with u too??
No!
Maybe u not realise but u always leave me behind
When I failed, u scold me
But when I success, u ask me to do the best than that.
But when abang or ada or adik fail, u give them support to try harder next time
Can u remember how many times u support me?
Can u remember how many times I proud u guys?
Can you?
As I remember, u just know how to scold me n said that this is all for my good.
Does anyone of u ever ask me what I want?
Does anyone ask me what I really want to be?
Does u??
All u knew is I follow all ur saying
All u knew is everything u do is for my own sake
Without u know what I want or what I like or what I feel
And when I said I don't like it,
U said it is not ur choice
It is my choice.
Have u ever ask me if I like it?
No
All u know is it is for my sake.
And then u blame it on me
Have u ever approve my choice?
No
U said I don't have future with my choice
U said ur choice is better
Without even thinking about my feelings
I followed not because I love it
But it is because of u!
Have u ever thought about it?
No
All u know it is my choice, instead of ur choice eventhough u the one who told me to accept ur choice
I have phobia but u say I'm over acting
I am sick but u say I'm lying
I am alone but u never know it
I have trouble but u just think I'm pretending
I try to do my best but u never support me
I have feelings but u never try to understand
I don't have much to say
Because when I say
All in ur mind is I'm the wrong one
And u r always the right one
Once again,
Eventhough in ur eyes,
I'm not a good child and daughter,
I'm a ungrateful child
I try to do my best
I don't ask for u to proud with me
I don't ask for any reward
I don't ask anything
I only ask for u to appreciate
When I'm still in front of ur eyes...
Always in my heart, my soul and my mind
Mom and dad
With love,
Your daughter.
p/s: sorry for my poor English
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